If you’ve entered the wild, wonderful, and often weird world of postpartum, you’ve probably already realised there’s a lot they don’t tell you. Sure, everyone chimes in about the sleepless nights or diaper blowouts. But when it comes to postpartum sex, the silence can be deafening, and the pressure all too real.

On our recent episode of The Cyclist Podcast with therapist Jo Robertson, we got honest about the real, raw experiences of intimacy after having a baby. Whether you’re a new parent, supporting someone who is, or you just want reassurance that you’re not alone, this conversation is for you.

Let’s break down what’s really going on with our bodies, our relationships, and our heads during the postpartum period—and how we can lean into compassion and communication, instead of shame and silence.

The Myth of the Magical “Six-Week Mark”

“So the six week mark is really communicated and without enough nuance in my opinion,” says Jo, echoing a frustration many new mothers share. If you’ve felt anxious or disappointed after hearing “You’re all good to go at your six week check!” only to feel anything but, know that’s not just you.

Here’s what actually happens for most people: At your postpartum check-up, you’re told you can resume sex and exercise, full stop. But as Jo notes, you’re rarely given the lengthier healing window (physical, mental, emotional), that many new parents need, and deserve.

“I wish that there was more nuance with that because it doesn’t mean green light go. What I think it means is orange light. So yeah, you could go with caution. But be careful, be sensitive. You know, don’t just 0 to 100 usually doesn’t go well for most women.”

The result? Many new mothers feel pressure to jump back into intimacy before they’re truly ready, physically or mentally, often leading to pain, frustration, or a deeper sense that something’s “wrong.”

Feeling “Touched Out” Is Biological, Not a Personal Failure

Maybe you’ve spent the whole day with a baby attached to you, only to find your partner reaching for connection at night, when you’d rather crawl under a weighted blanket and be left alone.

Sound familiar?

“There’s actually an evolutionary piece to this,” Jo explains. “Your body is supporting your child and I'm not in total control of that.” Throughout history, a new mother’s biological priority has been to keep their baby alive, conserve energy, and focus resources where they’re most needed, feeding, bonding, nurturing.

Modern parents aren’t doing it “wrong” they’re responding to the same ancient drives. So when you feel “touched out” or “overstimulated,” remember: You’re wired that way, and you’re not broken.

“I want it to just rest. I want it to rest physically, but I also want it to rest mentally. Like I don’t want you to feel pressured to do anything at all.”

The Weight of the Partner Dynamic

Of course, postpartum sex isn’t just about you, it’s about your relationship too. Jo hears from couples all the time who find themselves navigating new terrain: changed bodies, changing libidos, and a profound shift in how intimacy fits into daily life.

Maybe one partner misses that pre-baby chemistry. Maybe the person who gave birth feels both guilt and overwhelm, thinking, “If I don’t meet their needs, am I letting them down?”

That’s why Jo stresses the need for “strategies”, not just for navigating intimacy, but also for tackling the shame and guilt that can surface for both partners:

“We actually have to make a plan to accommodate for that season that we're in. It's not just going to go away... You're not broken, you're not weak, there's not something wrong with you. You're in a season of life that's very, very challenging.”

This is a call for both partners to stay compassionate, to hold space for how each person feels, to get curious and patient, and most of all, to communicate openly and often.

It’s Okay If Your Sex Life Changes - A Lot

Your libido may look dramatically different after kids, and it could take months (or years) to reconnect with that side of yourself. In fact, Jo points out that for many people, it may take at least two years before you feel “yourself” again:

"The reason I say two years is because the couples that I see… only started to feel reconnected to their body and to their relationship, really, after two years.”

For some, it’s even longer. There’s no “right” timeline. And yes, if you have multiple children, that “postpartum” period can blend into one long continuum. As Jo says, “It can go forever for some people.”

Compassion as the Antidote to Shame

Perhaps the most powerful takeaway from The Cyclist’s episode is the urgent need to replace shame with compassion. Instead of seeing changes to your body and libido as personal failures, see them as perfectly normal parts of a major life transition.

“Physiologically and evolutionary, my body is supporting my child and I'm not in total control of that. Like, you can't just will yourself into wanting touch, you know, you can't be like, oh yeah, today I will want it. Yes. Like that’s, that’s not real.”

What’s the solution? More honesty. More conversations, between partners, with friends, with your healthcare provider. Jo encourages pushing back against cultural models of “hot, easy, movie-star sex” and talking about real, lived experiences.

“Talk to your friends, but at a really honest level, like I'm finding this harsh, or… my partner is struggling and I don't know what to do. Like just being more transparent about your own story. It's so, so empowering for other people.”

Practical Tips for Navigating Postpartum Intimacy

If you’re in the thick of postpartum, here are a few expert-backed starting points from Jo and The Cyclist team:

• Reframe the “Six-Week Mark”: View it as a time to start honest conversations with your partner, not as a finish line you should be sprinting toward.

• Privilege Comfort and Consent: If anything feels uncomfortable, pause. There is no expiration on your body’s right to heal.

• Communicate Openly: Share your feelings, your hesitations, your hopes, and your frustrations, shame shrinks when you face it together.

• Allow for a Broad Definition of Intimacy: Sex doesn’t have to mean penetration. Find other ways to be close: cuddles, massages, tender conversation, shared laughter.

• Give Yourself Permission to Rest: If you’re feeling “touched out,” honor that wisdom. You and your partner will find your way back to connection in your own good time.

• Seek Support: If sex is painful, or shame is overwhelming, consider consulting a sex therapist or pelvic floor specialist. There’s help, and you’re not alone.

  
  

The Bottom Line: You Are Not Broken

If there’s one message to carry from this episode of The Cyclist, it’s this: Your postpartum body, and libido, are not failures or flukes. They are normal, and you deserve compassion, support, and understanding as you navigate this new chapter.

Sex, intimacy, and desire ebb and flow through every stage of life. Parenthood may change the rhythm, but with honesty, support, and a healthy dose of self-forgiveness, you can find your way, at your own pace.

For more real talk on reproductive health, body image, and life after babies, subscribe to The Cyclist and join a community where nothing about your body is off-limits, no question is too weird, and no struggle is faced alone.